Happy 2013!!!!!

No resolution, just start doing...!

Happy 2013 guys!!! Hope everyday of your 2013 is better than the day before!

21-12-12

Then before he left, he said, "It's not gonna happen isnt't it?". I didnt turn when I asked, "What? The end of the world?! No laahh, you crazy ass!". He kept quiet and when I turned I saw the tinge of hurt and disbelief in his eyes. That's when I realised what he was asking. My turn to keep quiet, really not knowing what to reply him with. The truth or the lie, both will hurt him as badly. In the end, he breathed a deep sigh and the hurt in his eyes deepened. Then his last words to me, Merry Christmas...

My heart winced and hurt as bad too. If only I could love him as much as I hurt for him. That would be perfect. This might be the end of his world with me, but surely another world will begin soon with another girl for him.

April..

Been missing my baby girl from this blog for a while, so here she is...

April girl has been her notorious self all the while. Been hiding in my bag during the weekends when we are out, as she is STILL not cured from her Separation Anxiety. She would rather be stuffed in my bag to go shopping with me! 

Oh, baby girl is blind on her right eye for quite some time now. Seen her bumping into stuffs, mostly on her right. Not letting it affect me so much although it saddened me as it hits the fact that baby girl is getting older now, she will be 9 in 2 months time. I don't think she knows that she is blind, as happy go lucky as she is. I know if it affects me, it will further affects her, so I'm letting her be. Been recommended to go for further tests for her eye, xray and all those. I opted no, as I don't want to torture her any further, she will need to go under GA and stuffs. She is as active as ever, especially at 11pm at night when I'm just about getting sleepy and ready for bed. 

Long overdue pics of Sydney!!!

Went there early September, weather was just right. Sydney was as beautiful as I have ever remembered. The smell of the wind, the feeling of fond familiarity of the city was unbelievably incredible. Still missing it so today. Here are some of my most favorite photos! Enjoy!!

On the way to Orange Picking, Watkins Orchard

Seeing this picture bring tears to my eyes, haven't seen Daddy laughing so heartily in a while....

My fave pic with bro and *ahem* hopefully, future sister in law. We, I mostly love her to bits!!

All of us, my most favorite people in the whole wide world!!

Anddd... what is Sydney without my gang of loveliest friends????

So touched that they came all the way to City on my last night although it was a weekday. Love them all!!

Kinda tiring uploading them all up here, if you are interested, see them all here:

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10151019227142117.424251.533702116&type=1&l=b839c050ab

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10151026428937117.425424.533702116&type=1&l=6d5e5de4db

Tough kids

Seeing the way the kids behaved today reminded me of how my parents would have felt back then. With the strict and stringent way they taught us, I have to salute them we don't grow up hating them. Something they must have done right, will I ever be able to do it the right thing as they did? Seeing my closest niece and nephew behave, strangely familiar yet so unbelievably alien, I worry about how the future would be for my own kids next time.

Lamenting

Biggest remorse in my life right now is the fact that seeing many of my cousins, those that are even less educated than me, making big bucks, slowly and steadily becoming a millionaire, with their own hard work no less. While I am still here, dragging myself from sleep every morning, still not knowing what to do with my life. Still and still...

Self consolation no longer works and I don't even believe my own lies of what matters most is happiness anymore. 

Love our language, please

Always find it irritating how people always say things they don't really know and then make it into another language entirely on their own. Mostly are taken from Malay words and when I asked, nobody actually know what it really means. So, this is my own translation.

Tumpang - To take/ hitch a ride

What they say: longbang, dongbang

Buah Duku - A small fruit that resembles a bruise on the head

What they say: baluku

Pecah - Burst/ broken

What they say: bi jiak

Campur - Mix
What they say: chumpo

Macam - Alike/ similar
What they say: machiam

Also hate the way they like to say: laugh die me, scare die him, or whatever. Such a contagious language and it's all over. Wonder who the hell started it at the first place.

Also they way people say die-ded, done-ded. I don't know, I don't appreciate such things, maybe I'm really getting old.

W3Ll, aT l3aST ThE wAy (no, I cannot continue any further, it's taking a lot of time) kids write this way has died down. Man, I was worried at the speed they can type like that. I used to just call up and scream at my young cousins for writing me such SMS-es, I would get constipation just trying to decipher that.

Is it too early for Christmas wish list?

This year has been stunning, got many things that I never knew that I wanted and by miracle, I got it. Learned a lot for my photography although there's still so much more to be done. Endless learning journey, I must say.
This year, too, the first time I have ever been vain. Fell in love with 2 beautiful bags!!! 
Will strive to save on my own to get what I want, maybe by next year, I looked back on this post and crossed some or even all of the wishlist!!!

1. Canon EF 50 mm f 1.8 II
   
   
2.  Canon 7D
   
   
3.  Furla Candy GIitter Bag (gold)
   
   
4.   Bottega Veneta Montaigne
   

Flowers blooming

But my feeling hasn't....
What is it that's keeping me back. The fear of commitment? The fear of having a relationship turbulance? Or maybe just isnt him.

Confession of a daughter

This post, sparked by a question asked by my boss of how my Mom managed to power above us. Seriously, my Mom is the gentlest woman you will ever meet. All my friends love her, like the Mom they never had they said.

It's truly a wonder how our relationship is still closely knitted. It's build from age zero. I have stayed away from my parents for my studies for at least 15 years, yet the values my parents taught me stay etched in my mind. This showed how crucial early communication is.

My sister - age 34, my brother - age 32 and myself age 27, you would wonder how the phrase, "I will tell Mom", so often used. It will send us to a little frenzy and send conscious reminder for us to behave. Well, nothing big, mostly stuffs like over shopping, too much eating and lazing, but damn it the 4 words worked like a charm.

My parents believe in the value of communication, endless reminders of what's good and what's bad. It's being told to us thousands of times that whatever we do in life, their words are the first thing we consulted unconsciously. Live with integrity, honesty and dilligence is what matters most.

Hell, presently people believe in sparing the rod. My brother, the most playful of us all, got the rods more often than not. Many disagree on Mom's way of teaching, but I have always believed it's the best. He himself always said, "That would be me if Mom didn't beat the hell out of me", whenever he saw young adults got into young adults problems.

Look at our younger generation, blatantly so rude to elderly, uttering vulgarities at early primaries. Such a sad generation. Mostly is due to parents having no time to take their own children in hand. No time to guide them, communicate with them. Since we were little, we knew Mom would punish us if we utter vulgarities. Until today, it becomes a great habit. What's most important, my parents never used vulgars at home as well.

I have observed from people close to me, there is a type of children who is most disrespectful to everybody, especially to their own parents. Nope, they are not from broken family. These kids, from the public eye, will come from a perfect wealthy complete family. Why are they misbehaving then?

This is where money comes in. Those kids that have unlimited resource of money. Those who knew they can buy anything and everything with their parents money, would think that they can buy the world as well.

Parents, hold your cash!! It's true that you want your kids to be happy. To pamper them in all the most expensive and luxurious things that your money can buy, things that you never had when you were young. You grew up fine without it and your kids would too. Let them know you have the power over your own cash, dont let them threaten you for money that they dont even earn for themselves.


.... Tbc

Geezz.....

Like a chair hit to my face, this verse did the same to my heart. I knew something is wrong with me.

"Don't be someone that searches, finds and then runs away".

Definitely, I am that someone. God help me...

I have...

A random me time here. Some things about me and some memories that I remembered that I myself found strange.



I have caffeine immunity.

When I was younger, I have no carsick, but I do have now. Though I am not seasick.

My first memory of wanting a camera was on my single digit years old. An uncle who was opening a camera shop gave one to my brother. I remembered being so disappointed about it as I was the one who wanted a camera sp badly. Worse of all, my Brother didnt appreciate it.

I remembered being a five year old or younger, sitting on Daddy's lap. Mom asked him if in the end they found out I was accidentally exchanged to another baby at birth, would he want to change me back. Daddy eagerly said no, but if the other baby was in poor family, he would bring her in. That memory lasted me a lifetime and brings me into a stupid grin everytime I thought of it.

My earliest memory of my sister was when my parents were away and I had difficulties getting to sleep. Sis reassured me and slipped a Kwan Im keychain, it was an oval shaped. So beautiful and changes color as I held it. Remembered feeling so grateful of my sister and still is.

I have a soft spot for guys' long and clean fingers. Probably why guitarists always magnetized me.

I have been avoiding Coke and fizzy drinks for the last 6 years or so.

I'm smarter at language than anything else.

I'm pretty good at badminton, singing and throwing sarcastic jokes. Some useless stuffs that comes naturally to me, I must say.

I have a strange liking of being alone at home and when I do, I love to stay in the dark.

Sometimes I felt talking is so tiring.

I have only a number of close friends and sometimes I felt need no more of it.

I once learned to knit and managed to knit myself a shawl. Amazingly I forgot how to do it now. Isnt't knitting like cycling? Once you learn it, you will never forget?

Same way goes to guitar, I learned britney spears' everytime and another indo song semua tentang kita, but I have forgotten them as well...

I have tendencies to live better for others. Like my life is a responsibility I owed to many people I respect and loved, if I dont have these people, iI would move to live in a hole in a cave.

My Sirui tripod

Awww I have never seen a prettier tripod and such a small one! Worth $119 but I have gotten a steal. Practically stealing!!! Lol..
It's so schmall!!! Hahahahah now I'm glad I lost my quick release back in Oz!!

A funny encounter

Some time ago, I attended a party lugging my newborn DSLR. I was still much a beginner and although still is, I was captivated by a friend's friend. I was told he was a TV producer and carried a Nikon D90. I remembered D90 was advertised by Lee Hom, further captivated. No, not the guy, but his DSLR. Well, he spoke well, confident yet humble. He took lots of pictures, around the party. I came back and he added me on Facebook already. I waited to see how his pictures would turn out. A month later. I saw the pictures, shocked me to the very corner of my photograhy learner soul. Everything about the photos wrong, right from the White Balance. Hey, if a no skiller like me could detect it, he would be a worse skiller. That day, I learnt not to be intimidated by pro cameras.

Anyway, I'm waiting for my first photowalk. Been a long time since i brought baby C for a spin. Hope he still remember me. Our souls are almost disconnected! Wish me luck!!!

www.celegifts.com

Have you ever visited the www.celegifts.com. This is a website created by my own 2 lady bosses, due to their love of shopping. They traveled overseas often and get some interesting items back to be sold on the website. Do lend your support and let me know some feedbacks and comments about the website if you have.
It has lots of items for men, women, home, fashion accessories and of course PETS!! That will be my forte, I suggested this category for them and most of the time hands on with the items there. So, let me know if you need anything or have items or ideas you can contribute to help me. This will be my grounds to see how things work online, a learning tool for perhaps to set up one of my own.

P.S. I have limited access to who buy what and when, so if you want to get discount let me know, so I can tweak some discounts for you back-end. See ya!!

Mahatma's 7 dangers to human virtue

1. Wealth without work
We get lazy assholes, like those show off youngsters with rich daddies.
2. Pleasure without conscience
We get infidelity in husbands and wifes who has no thoughts on their spouses.
3. Knowledge without character
We get smart alecs who looked down on less fortunate people.
4. Business without ethics
We get bosses who squeeze their employees, gaining profit with no spare on others' health, safety or loss.
5. Science without humanity
We get cruelty, on human, animals alike.
6. Religion without sacrifice
Let me think about this one, or anyone has a thought of what this means?
7. Politics without principle
We get what else, but corruption and murders of their opponents.

Cabbie uncle

Took a cab yesterday and met this really old uncle. He had Yishun sign on the front. Got on and asked if he was going home. He told me he was not feeling well so would like to just travel nearby his house at Yishun. Then he said sometimes he just felt like dropping dead and he would be better off. Told me he got a baby to take care of, a 70 years old baby, his wife. He himself is 74 years old. Got 2 sons that cant help both of them at all. When he asked for social financial help from the government, they are not eligible. Cos he is working and has got 2 kids. So the scheme needed both of them to be jobless and no children. Anyway, he said the amount is only 200 over dollars. Which cant even help him pay the one room flat at 100+ yishun. He is driving taxi 18 hours or more a day and already cant afford to pay for both their medical expenses. His wife can no longer walk and she crawled everywhere in the house.
When I got down my fare was $4 plus, I gave him $10 and asked him to keep the change. I think that was the smallest amount I can do so as not to hurt his pride. I climbed down as he insisted on giving the change. Then, after I was further down he opened his door and shouted thanks. A small amount yet he was so thankful. Give that to one of my ungrateful niece and I would rather grind and eat it myself.

At this era in Singapore, I would think none of this would be happening. Yet, it is so real and it's happening under our noses. For everyone here, money is a problem, everyone is blatantly in debt. Blame it on the children? No, blame it on the need of money that forces everyone in Singapore to be that selfish. Of course, there are rich people that are still not taking care of their parents, but that is not the point. It's not about can but dont want to, it's about want but not able to.

The light

I have been so cornered and covered in the darkness of his shadow that I didn't see there's a light shining behind him. Where are you my light? Wonder if you still shine as brightly as you used to be. Wonder if you would still bring warmth to me in your smile like you used to. Wonder if your eyes would be as kind as it used to be. If ever a day I would see you, will you be my light again...

I will be there

, he said. Someone who you have fallen in love with before and still somehow in love with after so many shits he made you go through. Well, vice versa that is the fact.
One day, he said, "I will always have a special place for you in my heart. I may fall in love with another girl, get married and have kids. Live like I am truly happy. But, once you call on me, I will leave everything behind in a second and just be with you. If you ever have a change a heart, I will be there. For now, forever and always. Then, I will be then truly happy."
Will what he said actually make you feel happy or sad? It's bittersweet. A love put in a most wrong way.

World....

Living in this world, this particular little city that only reeks of busyness. Where everyone seems to be in a hurry, running after that money, the ones that crawled in like a snail, yet hopped out so fast like bunnies. Why is that people chase no end of the dollars. Always thought that if human cant get hungry, probably no one will ever work. Changed my words for a little bit now, it's for pride, ego, the strong desire to be popular, famous, or infamous, that hungriness (for food) has become secondary. People would rather starve and buy luxurious things now.
No peace.
Sometimes it's nice to have people say it's allright after u bumped into them in the mrt. Instead of glaring at u like u have taken away half their life. When that happened, im never upset. Im just feeling sorry for them. Well, maybe it's monday blue.
With the adult uttering vulgarities and the kids spewing out much worse, can't help but wonder what is the rest of the society has been doing. Can't help but wonder when does it change into this way? Was it gradually seeping in unknowingly? Or did we ignore the signs?
Sigh, on the mrt now, letting my thoughts run wild...

What will?

Sitting by the sea side, watching the little cloud in the otherwise dark sky changed its shape. Saw the shape of a horse turning its head back. Now it has changed into the map of Australia. Bitter, life was so easy back then.

Life as a woman ain't easy, from being a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend and to a wife. Every phase has its traumatising moments. And it never ends.

The more I see a marriage the more I am terrorized, even before I jumped into one. All the whys and whats. Every family has its own book to read, different problems, even the happiest the family has their darkest secrets. Nobody knows.

So what will actually drove me into a marriage? Love? With all the crap of unsincere blokes out there, I don't think so. Age? Nahh, who cares, at the end of the day it's your life, your happiness. Then tell me, what will?

Back to my youth

Finally got a chance to revive my youth last night after a visit to Titanium. Apparently it's the club's last month in operation. My first and last time there perhaps. Met great singers like Qiqi and Sky, both have amazing vocals
I must say. Qiqi is an upbeat and outgoing girl, sociable and sweet. Her voice blew me off as she rendered qi qing liu yu beautifully. Sky was rather quiet and shy. I was wondering who he was when he sat at our table, a friend as Younis said. Rather surprised to see him singing on stage and isnt he a performer. Both received rave reviews from the audience, apparently they used to sing at Lunar. I would love to watch their performance again soon!!
Didnt realise I missed clubbing and dancing so much until I sat drinking, behind me were the basses. I absorbed the feeling of my heart thumping as the basses beat. Oh my, what a revelation - great feeling as if someone who has been deprived of her addictive drug and had it that second. I closed my eyes and saw my youth flashed back right there and then. Well, it has been at least a year since I danced into the wee morning like that. Euphoric!

Bangkok!

Just came back from Thailand last week. First time to Bangkok, ever! It was a great experience to be there, city of smiles? they say. Well, first thing first, the way Thai speaks is ever so gentle, it's 200 baht madam! is most of the things I heard over there. Clothes there are freaking cheap, amazing.

Thought bringing my DSLR will allow me to capture more photos, apparently I gave up after a night lugging it around. Kept it in the hotel safety box so I can bring more stuffs in my bag and carry all the shopping baggage. It's simply awesome, went to Millenium, Jatujak, oh so awesome, the doggie heaven. Too bad there's luggage limit, if not we would bring the whole Jatujak back!

At the Airport, waiting for our stuck luggage for an hour! What a start...

The famous Erawan 4 Face Buddha Temple

A crowd of worshipers on Thursday night

A Beauty

  

Dancers to help prayers

Bangkok Street at night

Elephants worshipers bought to write wishes, etc.
Bosses bought 4 of them as they said their wishes came true and they are returning their prayers.

Seafood!

Famous roadside eating place in Chinatown

Chinatown at night

Emoo

Uncle Bert always said we can't say this word emo as only Bimbos use it. Makes me feel like huh?!
Sometimes felt that bimbos has the better part of the world, not knowing anything, oblivious to their surroundings, but can they feel love, too? I don't know, just rambling here...

Anyway, felt like leaving on a jet plane! And I am leaving on a jet plane on thursday or rather a boeing 777 to Bangkok!
Fully paid by my most of the time lovely bosses, seriously they are lovely bosses. First time to Bangkok, can you believe that? Gonna shop and shop and eat and eat!

Sherina Munaf - First and Last Love
Translated by Yours Truly M.M.

At first there wasn't anyone able
to keep me hanging on
in times of sadness

At first I locked my heart
just for me and myself alone
now that you are here,
it seems that my worry and my loneliness tears are gone

reff:

You made me ask
You made me find
About this feeling
I can't understand
Would it be the same
if it wasn't you
And then your smile made me realise
that you are my first love and my last

At first it wasn't easy
to even smile in this life
that is full of darkness

At first there wasn't a need
to share as no one would understand
now that you are here,
it seems that my worry and my loneliness tears are gone

repeat reff

If there comes a day you would leave
Please don't force me to find a better one
As your smile made me realise
that you are my first love and my last

repeat reff

Why is it so hard?

One of my new year's resolution is to keep in touch will all my friends, tried for 3 days of 2012 and I really cannot make it! I want to be with all people that matters to me, all at one go, one time, so that I don't feel guilty for 'neglecting' them. Apparently, that won't happen. Why is it so hard? 

Anyway, Happy 2012!!! Hope you guys have a great great year ahead!