I think I'll be brave

I think I'll be braveStarting with youBut I'll fall away if you tell me toI'd rather be wrongThen hope that I'm right'Cause I can't go on with this all inside
I think I'll be braveAnd say how I've wanted you
Going around inside my headTrying to talk me out of itSo lonely...Too lonelyIf there's a possibilityYou turn and run away with meI need to...To show you before it fades
I think I'll be braveStarting with youBut I'll fall away if you tell me toI'd rather be wrongThan hope that I'm right'Cause I can't go on with this all inside
I think I'll be braveAnd say how I've wanted you
Over the bridge and down a waysFar off ahead I see a faceI follow, it's swallows meWhere do i beginWhenever you say you let me inI need to...To show you before it fades
I think I'll be braveStarting with youBut I'll fall away if you tell me toI'd rather be wrongThan hope that I'm right'Cause I can't go on with this all inside
I think I'll be braveAnd say how I've wanted you
Say how I've wanted youSay how I've wanted youAnd say how I've wanted you
I think I'll be brave
Going around inside my headTrying to talk me out of itSo lonely...

"I think I'll be brave, starting with you", those words that I wished I could say to you. For once, be brave, starting with you and I know you will say to leave the rest to you. Just be brave for this one time and don't let go. In the dark, with all my might I pried your hands off mine as the rest clapped off to the SDE. Don't you know how tightly my heart hanged on to yours? As your eyes gripped onto mine, daring me not to let go. I know that if I let go this once, it will be forever, and you know it too well, too, but I did it anyway.
I'm sorry, again that I cannot be brave, for you, for me or for us. I'm sorry it has got to be all your pain, your sacrifice, more than mine. 
Till we meet again, I hope I will be brave. 

Super excited!!

Hehehehe... It's coming in about a month or so!!! Bro is finally getting married!! I'm going to have a new sister in law!! We are all super excited with the preparations, rsvps and all the last minute arrangement, especially the last minute dieting. LOL! Looking forward to meet the old buddies that I haven't met in ages. Bro and I have almost the same gang of friends, so it's like a reunion for me, too. Also being swamped by the thought of having close to 40 relatives going down under, WOW! 

I haven't found my dress yet, so hopefully I can get one soonest.
Bro's best men have been decided, Mr Mad Guy, Alex and Johnson. Never met the Johnson guy before! But we are going to be entertained by Mr Mad Guy and Alex definitely, lol!

Looking forward, for now it's diet diet diet!!!

Photography NO NO!!!

Super irked by the thousands of pictures that some so called photographers uploaded on Facebook that has all the bloody same poses with 1 mm difference of angle in taking them. It's like seeing tens of the same meaningless photos. OMG, please filter your photos!!!

Huh wad??

I have my fair or sometimes not so fair share of losing friends. I believe as friends, especially close ones, the ones that have been together through ups and downs, through tears and laughters, there shouldnt be any prohibition. I believe in direct confrontation and fight it out, if we made it out, we will be stronger than ever. Yet, if we don't, we just don't, at least we knew why we grew apart. Look at those that stays by my side, man.. we are so comfortable with each other and we knew the darkest secret of each other yet we still love each other that much.
There are some friends that took me so much for granted and thought I will always be there when they needed me. Remember this, I never needed you in my life. Being nice is just me being me. I will not try to please anybody. I will not go around asking everybody why are you mad at me or whatever. If you want to walk away, I will smile and say goodbye. *shrugs*

$$$

I don't know how someone could be so calculative about money? It's tiring and it makes me so much want to be calculative, too. One can have such an elaborate lifestyle, not thinking twice about buying hundred over dollars unimportant things, yet they can count up to a dollar or two over a friend. I have no issue in paying more of my share, even though I am taking less, but why can't they do the same for me? It's hurtful to have such a calculative friend seriously, it's like the more I can give, the more they will take. Maybe I should learn to be as calculative too and see whether they would be irritated, but most of the time I can't do it, as I myself would be too embarrassed to be calculative. Maybe this is why I can never have any savings... lol!

Sometimes all we need

Having a highly sociable brother, I used to hang out with his buddies, be one of the guys. I learned to pick guitar, played badminton, watched and cheered at soccer match at the bars with pints of beer, played WE and Tekken with the lousiest lad of them all just for a good laugh. Watch movie marathon and have sleepovers. Almost dated his buddies, ALMOST!! But I just didn't, as I felt they are all my brothers. Being with the guys was good, always protected like a princess. Hearing them kiss and tell was an eye opener and sometimes I felt I know just what's on their mind even before they opened their mouth.
Being one of the guys was cool, no drama, they beat drama out of the box right away. No guessing, no that time of the month, no backstabs, no gossips, all damn so peaceful.
Maybe because I was young and I simply have that dont care attitude. I loved that fuss free life, especially after a horrible fallout with my best girlfriends back at Secondary School.

Now I have my girls, both back in Oz and right here at this little island of Singapore. I am glad to have them to bitch about anything under the sun and not just from inside the tv box. I am glad that when I broke my heart, they give me a hug, bring me out for a good drink and not just a move on pat at the back. I am thankful that I have people to dramatically talk about the same damn thing over and over again, like all over again when we met and still goddamn enjoy it. I am glad to have my girls to be my gaydar. I am glad I have my girls to talk about being fat, boobs and hunks! Apart from that, I am glad to have my girls who didnt have to try to be nice. I am glad to have my girls who didnt try to hide the facts. I am glad to have my girls who didnt have to keep in touch yet we pick up like we didnt meet for a day. I am glad to have my girls who didnt mind what I wear, what brand I have and how much pocket money I have.

Just so glad, so glad...!!

Feeling blessed...

Had a tragic storyline added to my life recently, all in and out within a week.

The most tragic, short lived and hooha crush I have ever been into. Feeling so blessed that I found out not too late. It was good while it lasted, brought silly smiles to my face for a few days. Glad that I had his company for a few short days, though it didn't seem to be what it was. Brought my stress level down by few notches with him there. 

I brought upon a turmoil in the social media world, it could be well a great case study of how one person can run, but can't hide in the Internet. It was hell scary to know that if you want to find out about someone, you can and you would. 

Cannot thank the girls enough for being there for me through and through, for all the mean jokes and the genuine concerns, really I appreciate. Felt so blessed that I was saved right at the nick of time, before I fell even further than a crush. Everything was just luck; lucky that I didn't keep quiet, lucky that I had the strong hunch, lucky that it was quick, lucky that even the radar failed - another radar popped out unexpectedly to tell the truth (ha!). Blessed, really...